I haven’t posted in a while, and I’m probably only doing so now because it’s three in the morning and I can’t sleep because I’ve been thinking a lot about events that happened yesterday, so please read with knowledge that a lack of sleep played a role in this post. Also, this is my obligatory language warning…
Today was a day full of surprises. I decided to go for a run (something that I avoid doing at all costs); my ankles didn’t break after two steps; and, despite my fears, I didn’t die from hacking up a lung. Overall, it was a pretty good time. That is until I got a pretty nasty surprise on my walk home… “Hey fat ass! What are you doing outside?” “Yeah. Giant whores like you should stay inside where no one has to look at you!” The words were hurled at me from inside the apartment I was passing. I didn’t look up, but judging by the voices, the kids yelling were no older than fifteen. As I hurried past, the insults kept flying, hitting me hard. While I made it into my apartment without reacting, knowing that anything I said or did would only fuel them, as I climbed the stairs the thick skin I was forced to develop in middle school fell away. By the time I got to my room that all too familiar feeling of self-loathing was beginning to show itself again. As I changed out of what I thought were cute and flattering workout clothes my fingers traced over the white letters of words etched into my thigh. “Fat ass.” As I stared at the words that seem inescapable, I realized something: I was mad, a whole new surprise. I was mad that I let these kids make me feel less than human. Angry that words could break me down and tempt me to pick up old, dangerous habits. Furious that until I heard those words, I had been having a good day; something that anyone who lives with depression, anxiety, or any other mental illness can tell you is quite rare. The reason it’s important that I got angry is that I was able to look at the scenario from a different light than usual. It reminded me that I’m not the only person that these words effect, and with that reminder comes the point of this post. We all need to be more careful with our words. I know this is something we hear all the time; it’s too the point that suggestions of being kinder go in one ear and out the other. However, today more than ever, we as people need to come together to make the world more inclusive. To do this I have just one suggestion; if a problem can’t be fixed in less than one minute, don’t point it out. I know some people think they are being helpful by pointing out flaws (not that that’s what the kids in my apartment building were doing, but I digress), however, this can do more harm than good. Go ahead and say something about a piece of lettuce in someone’s teeth or that maybe they just said something mean, but more permanent traits aren’t for you to point out. Chances are people know they are overweight or that have a slight stutter. There is no reason to draw attention to such issues, other than self-satisfaction, which has no place in a conversation in which you are supposedly trying to help someone. We need to start treating people like they are actual living people and not just actors in our individual lives. With that I’ll leave you with a poem I wrote a while back. Ignore the fact the meter changes halfway through Sticks and Stones Sticks and stones may break my bones But words can never hurt me. To tell this lie to children Is to fail them most completely. From experience I can say The wounds that heal the least Aren’t the bones I’ve fractured But the thoughts that are released When a person I hold close Decides to cut me with their tongue. It’s such a shame we lie To children when they’re young. Because I can support bones With a cast made of plaster. But the emotional damage, That’s a different disaster. Because unlike a bone That heals after a break Emotional blows pile up Like fall leaves you would rake Into a heap to keep at bay But just the slightest gust Can blow those leaves away Causing them to scatter Across the yard they go. All the hard work that was done Wasted making you feel low. Never knowing when the wind Will strike your mind again Means being on constant guard Hoping you’ll be ready when The next great attack comes From a person you hold dear. Unable to focus on life Because you’re living in fear. That’s what words can do To a person unaware So let’s cut the bullshit And teach our kids to care.
15 Comments
Lily Boudreau
3/6/2017 09:40:19 am
Shelby, you are an absolute inspiration! Stay strong and keep doing you! You're gonna go far kid!
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Shelbey
3/7/2017 09:43:33 am
Thanks Lily! I plan on it :)
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Melissa Schwartz
3/6/2017 01:17:17 pm
Well written! Can I use it for class?
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Shelbey
3/7/2017 09:46:03 am
Thank you! Feel free to use it for whatever you need.
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3/6/2017 03:44:50 pm
Shelby the remarks made were very hurtful. People who know you love your sense of humor, sweet personality,true friendship,kind heart,the people who said those hateful words are missing out on what a sweet person you are. Love You
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Shelbey
3/7/2017 09:47:20 am
Thank you Grandma :) Love you too!
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Chelsea Louise Hutte
3/6/2017 04:44:24 pm
Shelby, this blew my mind! I loved it so much because I used to deal with it all the time and have finally put it at the back of my mind along with all the vulgar things I would have and would love to say about it. Thank you for this! Keep up the good work girl!
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Mary Lou
3/6/2017 06:10:11 pm
One of my favorite saying is whatever our again is. For example I am 36 and I have live 36 year without you in my life I am sure I will.keep kicking if you never are in it. Girls that how you have to look at things the best offense can be stopped by b a better deffence.
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Shelbey
3/7/2017 09:50:43 am
Thanks Chelsea! I'm proud of you and how you are able to put those things away.
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Mary lou
3/6/2017 06:04:21 pm
Shelby I have one thing to say about the sticks and stone. Words can not hurt you if you don't believe the words that are being said. We need to teach our children that they are amazing and if there are people out there that don't see that that is there loss. If you would have looked up to see who was running you down. You could have taught them a lesson in manors. See you should never let what others say about you define you. See i have had coaches in my past tell me I was to big to do something but I did it just the same. I been let go from a job that I was amazing at not because I was not amazing anymore but because others have a problem with well I don't know what their problem is. But Shelby you are an amazing person and you need to make sure that no one ever let's you feel less about yourself. And if some little snot wants to talk crap who cares they haven't even hit puberty. That's how you have to look at.
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Shelbey
3/7/2017 10:10:14 am
Thanks for your input Coach. It is truly admirable that you are in a spot in your life where you are able to chose how things make you feel. Some people, like yourself, are more than capable of doing that, and your advice is helpful to many people.
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Janet zentner
3/7/2017 07:10:39 am
If people would only get to know who the other person is they would see who you are is.not a reflection of what one looks like. Most people shine from the beauty within. I've met people who from the outside are amazingly beautiful but once I met and knew them they were exceptionally ugly inside. The Who world looks at the exterior and forgets that there is always more, just give it a chance.
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Shelbey
3/7/2017 10:27:18 am
Thanks Janet. I agree one hundred percent that it's what's inside that counts. I appreciate your kind words.
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Jen Casey
3/7/2017 05:08:35 pm
You bring words to feelings I have had, but have been unable to express. You are an inspiration, Shelby! :)
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Shelbey
3/7/2017 07:21:45 pm
Thank you! That means so much to me!
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AuthorI'm a Yooper who misses the stars. I make a pretty solid pasty and I think words are pretty spiffy. Archives
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